Welcome to the Writing with Coach McCoach Podcast. A podcast for busy writers who want to cut through the fluff with exact strategies for launching their author career. I'm Katie McCoach, your book coach, guide, unqualified therapist, and cheerleader. Since 2012, I've helped hundreds of writers become authors, gain confidence, and grow their best stories yet. Let's do the same for you. This is the Writing with Coach McCoach Podcast.
So as I talk about imposter syndrome, what I want to do is give you some tools for how to deal with it, to recognize how it might begin to crop up and what you need to, number one, work through. Maybe there are things that you need to clearly break down. And then number two, how to move forward, how to move past it.
This is actually stuff that I've been applying to myself like right now. This is something that I'm doing right now because I'm in the middle of it. And we're both going to get through this together. And it's gonna be great.
So I started listening to a bunch of podcasts and asking for advice from friends. And then I went back to advice that I've given many times over. And it's so funny because some of the advice I would get from business coaches would be the same exact thing that I have told writers time and time again. But I needed to hear it from someone else. I need someone else to literally take everything that I've given advice out and then just repeat it back to me and say, now you got to start doing it.
So it was really funny when there was a group coaching call I was in with some business folks. And I reached out and I was like, okay, help me out. I'm struggling with self doubt. One of the first things was that the advice given, which again, I have given many times over is, do you have testimonials?
Yeah, I have a ton of testimonials.
Okay, go and read them.
That's it. That was the first piece of advice. And if I didn't have testimonials or what I was feeling like is I don't have, maybe I haven't reached out for updated ones lately. And so they were like, well, go and look in your emails and make a list of everything nice anyone said about you.
And it was really sweet because since this was a group coaching call where I was in the hot seat instead of vice versa, which is what I often do in the comments, they were saying things that were nice too. And they were like, take the things that people are posting right now and go put it in a document and read that to yourself.
And the one thing that was different that I really liked is this coach had said, and this the person who was talking at this point, this is Tiffany Napper. And so she was the featured coach on this call. She said, I want you to read that every single morning. That is the first thing you do. When you get into work, the first thing you do is you read through the things that people have said about you that are very nice. And if you don't have it for work, then ask people in your life, what are things that you're really good at? How have you been helpful to them? What do they appreciate about you? And read that every single day. And eventually you will begin to believe it.
So I will be 100% honest with you and say, I've not done this work yet, but I will be working on it this week. I'm putting it out in the universe. I'm working on reading testimonials, reading nice thing people have said about me. I'm going to put them all in one spot and I'm going to read those every day. And I know that as I begin to remember what people say, or I see what they say and I'm like, Oh yeah, we did do all that together. I am going to get back to believing that I can help someone else.
So as a writer, what you can do, since you're probably not reading testimonials on your writing, but I bet you have sent your work to someone. It could be your mom, your friend, your critique partner, your editor. It could be what's published online. Grab all of the nice things, all of the positive feedback and take it and put it all in one spot. And I don't care if that means you're taking snapshots out of something someone said where it's actually covered in constructive criticism, but here's the one nugget. Take the one freaking nugget that's positive and put it all in one spot and have a list of all of the things that you are good at.
I will say if you've published your book and you're going to go to reviews to see what's good, a way that might help you so you don't fall into a hole, especially if you're currently dealing with imposter syndrome, because I don't want to send you backwards. What I would suggest you do is see if you can get an assistant or a friend who's super, super awesome and or your family member and say, Hey, can you go to my book reviews for me? The ones that are posted on Amazon and good reads. Can you pull all of the good ones and just the good stuff people say and send that to me because I know that book reviews are, they're not for the author. Just keep that in mind. Book reviews are for the other readers. It's not for the author. However, the author could totally appreciate some of the nice things people say, but there's going to be a lot of stuff where people are very honest or they're going to help another reader know if this book is for them or not.
So if you are susceptible to pain as I am, even if it's like that's a hundred percent legit, it's still hurt to hear it. If you are like me, get someone else to get those reviews and send them to you so that you never have to look at the negative stuff or even the constructive stuff. There is nothing that says you have to read your book reviews and do anything differently. You can, if you want, you can use book reviews if you want as some sort of constructive feedback, but you don't have to because you put the book out there, you did all the work ahead of time. You can do what you want from here on out.
If something is problematic, that might be great for you to learn in that way. Or hopefully if you have a publisher, you'll learn another way. Hopefully someone else will help you tell if that is something that you need to know and you need to fix. Otherwise, the book reviews can be ignored.
So that's just my tip. If you're going to, you're going to try and use book reviews as a way to boost your confidence, avoid putting yourself in a position where you're only going to start to also see the negative because when you're in a place of self-doubt, you are going to have an easier time latching on to any negatives that are said about you versus the positive. So I want you to avoid ways where you might just continuously take on negative.
Now that's one tip. Another is to break it down. Really listen. What is this saying about you? So in my case, I realized that I haven't been showing up on my podcast, in my newsletter, on social media for sure. And I've just been hiding. I've just been afraid. And for a while, what I had told myself was, I'm just too busy. The podcast takes time to edit. And side note, there is always a solution to something like this. In this case, I currently am in the process of hiring someone to do that for me because if I'm going to constantly put that as a barrier, then I'm going to never put out an episode because I'm going to just keep saying the edits take too long, which is not, it's true. They do take a while, but it's just an excuse where I'm trying not to put the work out there because I'm afraid. So you have to really start diagnosing where are you letting your self-doubt or imposter syndrome stop you from doing something.
And this was one example. Why haven't I put up a podcast? Oh, it takes too long to prep. Could someone else do that work? Yes. If they do, will you put it up? No, no.
Okay, then that's the problem. It's not the work, the amount of time ahead of time. It's that you don't want to still. So start working through what do you need to get past? That's something I have to get past. So once I send it off to my producer, I can't stop myself anymore. Right? Like it, oops, it's out in the world.
Now one person's heard it, so I might as well let anyone else hear it. Right? So that's my, my trick. I'm super terrified and uncomfortable, but I need to start showing up. If I want things to look different than they do now, then I have to show up. Same for you. If you want things to look differently, you got to start doing the thing that you don't want to do.
So what is it doing to you? Where is it showing up for you? And what does it look like? Because it's going to mask itself.
The other way I haven't been showing up is on social media. And so I've been like, well, I'm just too busy. I have a toddler. Toddlers are great excuses to not do things because you really do recognize like, dang, being a parent takes up so much time and being a parent of a toddler takes up a lot of energy. So it's a really easy thing to latch and say, well, I'm a parent. It's too much work.
What's really happening is I have limited amount of energy to give in the world. And if I start feeling like I'm not getting something back for what I put out, I'm questioning if it's worth it, right? Is this worth my time and energy? With social media, it was easier to just be like, no, it's not worth it. But then I have to think, okay, well, now I'm feeling uncomfortable that I'm not showing up. So either I could feel uncomfortable showing up or uncomfortable not showing up. One way I'm hiding and I'm clinging to my excuses. And the other way where I do show up, I'm uncomfortable, but I could be helping people through it and potentially find new people to work with. If I hide, I'm helping no one. And people are wondering if I'm still alive, if they care at all, right? Either they don't care. And so out of sight, out of mind, if I'm not in front of them, they're going to say, oh, I need my book edited. Who is that girl? Um, whatever. I'm going to find someone else who's literally right in front of me showing up every day instead of that person who they one time thought about and they don't remember my name.
And so when they are in need of a book editor, I will not be someone that they pick because I'm not there in front of them. And I don't need to be yelling at their face, but it would be good if I show up and I provide value. Right?
So long story short, figure out what is what you are doing that is actually your imposter syndrome or self doubt at work. How is it manifesting? How is it showing up? And breaking that down and then you can figure out what's in your way. And so through recognizing that I was not showing up, I was realizing, oh, it's imposter syndrome. It's self doubt. I don't, I'm struggling with how much I believe in myself right now. And that's super painful to recognize. Like really painful. Like hurts every time I say I don't believe in myself, my gut kind of just like, oh, it just feels like someone punched me truly. Because you know, you feel it in your heart. You're like, I know that's not true, but it hurts that I feel this. So part of it is recognizing that, okay, this is what's really showing up. It's a self doubt. Why is that showing up? And that's where you start to have to break things down even more.
It's great to recognize you are dealing with imposter syndrome, but if you don't know where that's stemming from or why it's happening, then you're not going to be able to move past it. So I started realizing, okay, so imposter syndrome showing up. And in this case, a lot of self doubt for me. A lot of self doubt was showing up despite the fact that I'm helping my clients every day. But I just got in my head. I listened to the few very small voices of, which are mostly me, of you could do better. And then the question is, okay, could I actually do better? If the answer is yes, then how do I do that?
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How could I do better? Well, first of all, I keep showing up because every time I show up, I do better. I can provide something new. I grow my abilities. So if I stop showing up, my abilities stop growing. So how could I do better? Literally how? And then the other is, is there somewhere a way that I can learn more? And that is, that's a great question. Yes, I could totally find something like, okay, this is the thing that I am not as confident in.
How do I become more confident? One, I can learn more things so I can target that spot and say, okay, I am going to learn everything there is about this. Or I can say, that's not something I need to learn. That's something that someone else is better at doing. I'll let them do that. And then I can also, I guess the third thing would be, I have to make sure I still do the thing. So learning's great. But if all you ever do is learn and never apply, you're learning shit, right? You are not learning a single freaking thing because you're not doing anything with it. So you could learn something new. You can soak in the information. If you don't use it, it will fade away. But if you use it, you grow at that every single time. That is why if you've listened to this podcast, you've heard me say, anyone can be a writer. I will not tell you to give up your dream if it is everything you want because anyone can learn to be a better writer. You can learn how to tell a better story. You have the potential to grow forever, to always get better.
So if you're like, okay, side note, if you need a little inspiration, go to episode 10 and it's called three things a toddler can teach us about pursuing our dreams. That episode is really great because it's the three things you need to just meet your goals. And it's not that much. So diagnose your shit, what's in your way and allow yourself to feel it and explore it so you can move past it.
But just learning new things, diagnosing your things that that might not solve it. For me, it was a great awareness to be like, oh, that's why I haven't posted a bunch of podcast episodes. They're there, but I just like that I have to be in front of people who cares anyway. That is a thought that goes through my head a lot of times. Who's even listening? Who cares if I show up? You know what? If they don't want to listen or pay attention to anything I have to say, they don't have to. So if you're ever thinking like, who cares if I show up? Well, people set out and they followed you or they're listening to your stuff or they're reading because they want to hear from you. If they don't want to hear from you, they don't have to.
It is up to them. They have the power to subscribe or unsubscribe to anything. So if they have subscribed to hear from you, they want to hear from you. If they've followed you, there's a reason. It is 100% up to them to unfollow you at any time. That does not mean that you should stop what you're doing. If people unfollow you, who cares? You're just getting closer to the people who need to hear from you, the right people.
So I wasn't showing up. I was in my head. I was thinking no one cares. No one wants to hear from me. I have nothing of value to offer. Yada yada. And I was fortunate enough, and I will say this does not happen to most people, I was fortunate enough that someone reached out to me, a client and friend who said, are you okay? She emailed me and she said, I just want to make sure you're okay because I haven't seen you like I haven't seen any photos of the kid, which I only do that impersonal stuff. And she's like, I just want to make sure you're good.
And I'm like, what is she talking about? I'm here. I've been here. I'm everywhere. But I realized I was not on social media. I wasn't posting a newsletter. I wasn't posting a podcast. So I was existing. I was doing work constantly. I was going out and living my life. Right. But I was not sharing any of it online, which is fine. If that is my choice to not share my life online, totally fine. But I have a business and my business, it's important that I show up. I said, I'm going to share a podcast to help writers. When I stopped sharing the podcast, who am I helping? I say, I'm going to post to my newsletter to help writers. When I stopped sending useful content, who am I helping? And so it was fortunate for me that someone actually reached out and said, I noticed I haven't seen you. Are you good?
And that was really helpful for me because I was like, oh my God, actually, even though I think I'm not showing up by not showing up by hiding, I am still putting out something to people, people who do care, who do wonder about me. They see that I'm not showing up. And so they're like, well, then that says something about her. And that was interesting to me to realize and reflect back and be like, okay, well, number one, people do care. Number two, I'm showing up, but not the way I think. My hiding is still saying something about me.
Is that what I wanted to say about me? Do I want people to judge me based on what I'm not doing? Because there will be people who judge on anything. And then there will be people who just literally don't give a shit. And that's super fair. They don't care if you show up or not. If you do show up, you're more likely to help them in some way, though. So hey, by not showing up, I am putting out a narrative about me. Is that what I want it to be? Oh, I could show up and say, hey, I'm freaking struggling. Things aren't going super great. I'm dealing with this shit. Go ahead and check it out. The same time you can see what I'm going through. Maybe you can relate. Maybe this can help you. Let's just go through it all together. And by letting you see that, I'm owning my own narrative. And I'm letting myself be seen. And basically, it's me saying, hey, yeah, I know that you're already seeing this about me. I'm just making sure you're aware. I'm okay that you see it. Because if I'm sharing it, instead of me hiding and pretending it's not happening, I'm showing up and sharing that it's happening.
That means I'm owning it. I'm saying, yeah, this is fucking happening to me. I am okay with it. I'm going to keep doing it anyway. And you know, the more I do that, the less that this narrative will keep happening, right? The less that I will find myself in self-doubt because I'm showing up when I am doubting myself. And the more I do that, the less I'll begin doubting myself.
That's such a catch 22, right? I feel like so much of what we struggle with in life tends to be this stupid catch 22. And when the chicken and the egg sort of situation, like what comes first or what's impacting the other, sometimes you do just have to do the thing and you'll find your way out.
This relates to another tip that I had recently heard that helped me a lot. This was from a podcast from Rob Dial Jr. The podcast is the Mindset Mentor. I had never heard of anything from this guy and I was just trying to get help. I'm dealing with a situation. I literally asked my therapist. I asked my women's mastermind group. I asked my journal. I asked my money coach. I literally went to everyone I could and I was like, I am dealing with this help. And I think that's a huge thing you can do. And it was fabulous because I learned several things in the process. And the one biggest thing is other people are dealing with this shit too. You are not alone.
Okay, let me back up before I go to what Rob Dial said. When I shared in my women's entrepreneur mastermind group and I said, Hey guys, I'm dealing with this, it was amazing because they all immediately jumped in and were A, trying to help and B, relating. And they said, I've been there. This is what's worked for me. You know, all of them had something to say about it because it is not happening just to ourselves. And when you can open yourself up and share your experience, you're like, dang, other people are going through this by literally just those conversations. It's beginning to help me pull out of it. Even if I don't use their advice, just knowing that I'm not alone was beginning to say, okay, it's okay that I'm going through this. It's okay. It happens. Yeah, I've been in this business for 10 fucking years. I'm still going through this. It is okay. It happens. It does not matter how long you've done something. It doesn't matter how good you are at something. You could still find yourself on a place of self doubt. And that was so useful just to see I'm not alone. Others have dealt with this and others care about this topic. That was really helpful. That was so fabulous.
Just having people you can talk to about these things is huge. I got information from my money coach. She gave me some great advice and she showed me ways like this is normal. You're doing hard work right now. You're trying to make some big changes in your life. Of course you're doubting yourself because you're going on a path you've never gone on before.
Side note, I'm in a totally like trying to change my life. Recently got diagnosed with ADHD, trying to figure out who the frick I am in this world and become a mother at the same time. So a lot of these changes are happening to me and to my mental state. So it's so true that although yes, I have been a book coach for 10 years, what I haven't done is do it exactly in this moment right now. I'm now a book coach who is trying to grow the business beyond just coaching, beyond just myself. I am trying to raise a freaking child. He's no longer just an infant I'm trying to keep alive. This is a toddler who is talking, who is learning stuff, who is growing things and I'm trying to raise him to raise a human. I'm trying to help someone else make decisions in their life. And so the more I'm exposing myself to these things I've never done before, the more I'm beginning to doubt myself in other things where I'm trying to step up to the next level or the next version.
So if you are doing something in your life and you're like, oh, duh, I haven't actually done this thing before. No wonder I'm doubting myself. Or yeah, I've done this, but not in this way. Like I mentioned before, the podcast, I've helped people, not in a podcast. So I started getting nervous on the podcast. So go and diagnose the things, but realize that there's so much potential for you to just keep moving forward and growing. And every time you approach something newer in your life, you might feel doubt, but you will learn and get there because the more you apply, the more you learn, the more you can do, the more you have the confidence and the proof and the results. So fast forward to I listened to the Mindset Mentor podcast and I literally went on Apple and I typed in for podcast, how to believe in yourself. I was like, just give it to me straight. Someone give me some just straightforward. This is how you believe in yourself tip.
There were quite a few episodes and this one was the very top one with those keywords. So I listened to it and it was really interesting because it took a thought that I guess the phrasing just helped me a lot. And it goes to show that you could hear something a million times, but sometimes just phrased one way from one person. And you're like, oh, duh, obviously. So that was what happened when I listened to Rob Dial Jr.'s podcast. He basically said, there is nothing that says you need to believe in yourself in order to do something.
And I was like, what? Yes. That's why I'm not doing the thing. And it's like, no, you can still take action even if you don't believe in yourself. I can still put up a podcast episode, even if I don't feel good doing it. I can still send an email whether I want to or not, whether I feel good about it or not. He did the example of if you're a sales guy, you can still make a bunch of sales calls. You might not believe you'll make the sale. You can still make the call. And eventually you will make the sale. And then the next time you'll have the knowledge, I made a sale. So you'll show up differently the next time. Okay, for the next call, well, I have done this before. Okay, so maybe I can again.
And then eventually you can start having belief. The results show you, you can do the thing. So why are you not believing in yourself? You've done the thing. You've done it many times. You're doing it. And then you can begin to amplify the work with mantras, with mindset stuff to say, I do believe in myself. I do know I can do this. I am a podcaster. That was a really big thing. So do the action anyway. Nothing says you have to believe in yourself in order to do the thing.
So here I am in the midst of doubting myself. And I'm saying, here's a podcast might not be my best podcast episode ever. But if it has something that helps one person, then it's worth putting up there. And even if there's nothing in here, that's a value for anyone else. Me putting this episode up is me doing a thing that I am still not 100% sure about. But then I've done it. And the next time I'll be able to do it just a teeny bit better. And the next time a little better, it'll become a little easier. And eventually I'll have 25 episodes, 50 episodes up. And I'll say, okay, well now I believe in myself because I've done it 50 times.
All right, I could go on forever and get a little wordy. I have lots of other great tips that I encourage you to listen to, even if I won't do it myself. I think they'd be very helpful, especially for you as a writer. In Imposter Syndrome and Self-Doubt Come Up, a lot of times comparison is part of this. And I do have an episode about that. Literally episode two of this podcast, Authors, Comparison Will Ruin Your Career. So if you have trouble with comparison, if this is something you deal with, then I take you through some steps on how comparison comes up and what to do about it. And even tools for how to use it as inspiration versus how to make yourself feel like crap. So go back to listen to episode two and episode 10 and literally any of them, they really help.
But I think episode two is going to be really great, especially if this is you're dealing with self-doubt. Perfectionism, the episode number seven on perfectionism can really help too. It's going to sound very similar to this episode, but I'm kind of talking about it in a different way because we're talking about perfectionism versus literally just doubting yourself. And then if you want other tools and tips, I have a free mini ebook workbook. It's eight strategies to deal with self-doubt as a writer. So go to katimacoach.com slash self-doubt and download your free ebook.
Okay.
Until next time, writers keep going.
