Welcome to the Writing with Coach McCoach Podcast. I'm your host, Katie McCoach, book coach, confidant, and cheerleader. Since 2012, I've helped hundreds of writers become authors, gain confidence, and grow their best stories yet. Together, we'll untangle the vines of chaos and uncertainty surrounding how to be a writer so you can grow into the author you are meant to be. Let's dig in, writer.
Welcome to another episode of Writing with Coach McCoach. This is episode 28, and today I want to talk to you about how to stop being precious about your work and finally put it out there. This topic came up literally because I, from being with my toddler, alright? So I realized that he's been teaching me something that I didn't expect to be taught, and I thought, oh my gosh, this applies to so many things in life for all creatives.
So the other day, my toddler and I are building some Legos together, and he started to love these Legos, and what he loves to do is build towers and crash them. So sure, this is great. So I spent a while building this great tower with every single Lego block we have. I was feeling pretty proud, it looked good, and the moment I'm done, boom, he just crashes the car into it and knocks it all over. And for a second, that part of me was like, oh, oh, I just did that, I did all that, and now it's gone. I just crashed, just tumbled, ooh.
And then I thought about it, and just, he was so happy to crash that car through that tower, that was the whole reason he wanted that tower, he wanted it super high so they can crash it super hard and see it tumble. And it made me like, this is, okay, this is awesome, like, this is what the point was. It wasn't, let me create something and just admire it by looking at it. It was, no, let me create something and let's experience more with it.
So in this case, it's literal destruction, but that's not how it is for everything. In this case, the way to experience the joy of building this tower was to crash it. And that was awesome, and that was exactly what made my toddler super happy, and it made me excited to build another one, to crash it again. How could we crash it harder? How can it tumble more? How high can we go, and when will it fall before we have a chance to get as high as possible?
So it allowed me to sort of pull back and say, you know what, creating is awesome, but at some point, it has to leave my hands and go into the hands of someone who is ready to experience it. There is someone else who is able to do something with my creation, and it doesn't matter at that point what it is, because they're going to find a piece of joy from it. That is what we live for, or some of us as writers and creators, is someone's going to experience something from this.
They are going to experience joy. They are going to experience transformation. They're going to feel confident and assured. They're going to know that there's someone else out there whose brain works the same or has similar thoughts or has gone through something.
So that is what we get to do as writers. We get to create something and then let someone else choose how to use it. When we get too precious about the thing we created, we're stopping a huge part of the process, a huge part of the enjoyment. In this case, my toddler's enjoyment is destruction. And you know what? If I lean into it, it's a lot more fun.
If I say, okay, what can I make that can be destroyed and let's just freaking have fun with it, there is a lot less pressure on something I make to be perfect. There's a lot less pressure to do everything possible and then just stare at it, look at it, or just put it in a drawer. Or for writing, it would be, oh, I have to edit it a hundred more times, and then maybe, I'll be ready to send it to an agent or maybe I'll be ready to publish it. There is something beautiful about publishing something that you don't know a hundred percent if it's exactly what you wanted. Maybe you're like, it was 98% there, but there was more to go.
You know what? That 2% might still always be there no matter what you do. I experienced this though again this morning. He did this again in a different way and I was like, oh, this time it was a little more precious and I really had to put in the work to pull back.
We made these little model clay cutouts and the goal was to let them dry. So then my plan was that we were going to paint them. So I had one that was like his footprint, which was pretty darn cute. A few like cat cutouts and then like just random things, aliens, robots, dolphins, whatever I had on hand, little cutouts like I would use in Play-Doh or baking. And I had them all drying and stuff and he was good for about a day. And then this morning he started playing with them and a tail came off of one. And normally when he breaks things, he's very aware and doesn't continue. Not today. So his joy that he found out of this was to rip every single thing we created. And then it hurt, right? The moment he ripped the one in half of his footprint, oh, my soul, it went, oh, that was not what I wanted. But what I looked at and recognized was, you know what, this is his form of exploring something. There was no need, there was no point of the things. Like it was just, I wanted to create something with him. We did that together when we made the things. He knew he was part of that process. And then he wasn't ready yet to comprehend what painting looked like or what that meant.
So I had this thing in mind of how we were going to use this craft, this creation. And he said, no, mom, that's not what we're doing with it. We're destroying it. We're just going to rip it up into pieces and maybe put it back together. It sort of seemed like he almost wanted it to be like a puzzle. In which case, I guess that's where we're going with it. Okay, so no more cute things to display. Let's just turn this into a puzzle of a bunch of ripped up pieces of model clay. Okay. It did, you can tell that this one, I was like, oh, this one, I wanted more to it. But when it comes down to it, what my toddler wanted out of this situation was not the same as what I wanted.
And so as the person who was essentially the creator of something, I had to pull back and say, all right, well, that's not how we're going to utilize this this time. Maybe next time we'll do it again. And maybe another time it will be, we'll paint it or we'll do something else with it. But this time, the way that he wanted to experience it, the joy he got from ripping it up. Okay. I mean, there's some things just to that are just, if you hold on and you just you want it to be too precious, you were going to lose out on exploration, on seeing what others think of something to helping someone else through something. So in this case, my toddler is, he's learning as he does things like this. If he's ripping this up, he's trying to figure out how to put them back together. All right. This is part of his mode of exploration.
If it was someone reading my work, they're going to figure out it might be that your book is the catalyst for someone's brain to rewire or do something different or consider something they hadn't considered before. But if you, if you are too precious and you don't let it out in the world, or if you are trying so hard to make sure it perfectly only is viewed and experienced one way, you are missing out on the opportunity of giving someone something amazing. You're missing out on the chance of letting someone else experience what you created in the way that is best for them. We cannot control how our art is viewed. We cannot control what people think about it or how they utilize it, how they're transformed from it. We can control what we put out there, what we hope it provides. But in the end, we do have to let go.
And I use this as a reminder to tell you that at some point, if you want your work to be read and seen and cherished and experienced and hated, if you want any experience to come from someone, if you want it to be read, you're going to have to let go of it. And you're going to have to say at some point, it's exactly all it needs to be. And you know what? Life is crazy. There are so many things you can do in life where maybe a few years later, you can revamp the book, do a new edition. Like, oh, I wanted to change this. So this is especially true if you write nonfiction, it would be so much easier. Have new editions once a year, every couple years. Hey, new information's out. I am adjusting the way this is viewed. Or you just publish something else. Make a new book. Write new fiction. Write another story. Do what you tried to do before and maybe you didn't do it that time. Then do it in the next book. Try again, try again, try again. And allow people to enjoy the process of seeing you evolve. And in turn, they might evolve as well.
I think the other piece to talk about related to this is I know that a lot of people get stuck when it comes to editing. So it's like, when do I stop editing my book? When do I finally say, okay, it's good enough? This is definitely something that is hard for a lot of people. I have writers who they will still edit and change stuff up until it's literally being printed or put on Kindle. And I have others who are like, it's totally out of my hands. I'm super done. If I try to go through again, I'm going to want to change everything. So I'm just going to let it go. And that is a skill that you have to develop. It really is because it can be super hard to let go.
If you're at that point where you're like, I just don't know, then what I would encourage if you've done a lot of work up to this point, and you're really like, do I keep going or not? The fact that the question comes in your head means that you know, you are close to having to walk away. And so the question, maybe to phrase to yourself is, am I ready? Am I ready to let go of this book? And I think that is what is key. I don't think sometimes it's a matter of, is it ready to be published? Is it good enough? Have I done everything? I think the question is, am I ready to let go of it and let it exist without me being in it anymore?
So ask yourself that question. And if the answer is no, I'm not ready, then what do you need to do to get ready? What is it that's in your way? Do you really feel the story is not developed? Do you really feel the writing's not there? Do you feel like the copy editing, it needs to be done? Or is there something else to it? Like I don't want to let go of these characters, or I'm just afraid of what people think, or I'm afraid of how they'll experience these characters. You know what? That's very valid, very valid. Are you going to let that stop you from doing it?
And I ask that as someone who has done that all year, I have let the fear of how something will be experienced stop me from doing so many things this year. It has really held me back in many ways. But I'm here now, I'm putting stuff out there. And I'm also recognizing that that is what my brain wants to do. It's just trying to keep me safe. And if I don't put anything out there, then there's nothing for someone else to experience. And part of me thinks, oh, that's super tragic. The other part's like, well, yeah, thank God, we're protecting you, Katie. There's nothing for anyone to have feelings about. So you're safe where you are.
But that doesn't really feel that great, right? It doesn't feel that great to know there's so much I could share and do. And I'm not doing that. I'm not giving someone the chance to experience something because I'm like, well, it's not good enough, or I can't guarantee how they're going to feel about it. Yeah. I just have to say that again. I think what I've recognized for my issues related to this and putting stuff out there is that I want someone to feel a certain way from it, but I cannot guarantee that they're going to feel that way. I cannot guarantee what they're going to pull from something. And that has to be something I let go of. I have to actively decide to say, that is okay. I want them to experience what they will need to experience from it, not what I think I think that they should experience. Because that, if I try to force someone to experience something from my work, that's not going to give someone what they need in order to move forward to be who they need to be.
I want your readers or my, you guys or my readers, I want you to be able to say, ooh, there was that thing that really helped me. And it might be exactly opposite of what I thought would help you. The only thing that matters is that you feel like, ooh, that helped me or that did something for me. And I cannot control that either way. I can't control what aspect that does for you. But all I can do is share what I can and allow you the chance to do that versus keeping you from that chance. So think about your readers and are you keeping them from the opportunity to enjoy your characters or to be transformed or to just be happy because they get to read something new?
That is what I'm going to leave you with today. It's quick, it's simple, and I hope that it speaks to someone today. If this helped you, please take just like 30 seconds and post a review on wherever you're listening to this podcast or just even provide a rating that would mean the world to me. I love helping you. I want to know how I can best help you. So in the show notes, there is a link where you can submit questions to me. Please do not hesitate to submit questions so I can answer them on a bonus episode of the podcast where I do a coach ask coach series or use that as an entire episode to do a whole topic and dive into.
And last but not least, I just published the Katie McCoach shop. It's actually called author growth shop. And right now you can download a bunch of coloring pages. I don't know if that's your thing. I freaking love coloring so much. So I commissioned someone to color. That's like my favorite artist. I commissioned her to color stuff for me and for authors. So they're very like writer reader focused. There are some really good inspiring quotes like someday you're going to be someone's favorite author and you can color that in or anything can be edited. So we've got some really fun stuff for you. If you love to color, please go to the shop, grab some of those pages.
That's Katie McCoach dot com slash shop. Simple.
All right. Until next time, keep growing writer.
